Formal Introductory Letter

Dear Professor Blackstone,

How are you? I hope this letter finds you well.

I am writing this letter to you in hopes that you can get to know me in a deeper sense, rather than just  another unnoticed face in your in class. To give you a little background of me, I like to begin my story from my former Secondary school, Saint Patrick's where I started falling in love with science. 

As the years go by, I grew more fond of the mysteries and answers that science could explain. I wanted to further my studies in Biology as I feel that the human anatomy is an area that is full of questions and that perked my interest.

As such, I opted for a placement in the Veterinary Technology in Temasek Polytechic. But life got an interesting way to push you into the path you are meant to go. I ended up with my last choice which was Biomedical Engineering. You could say this was a blessing in disguise as that course made me realized that Biology was not for me, but it also opened my eyes to the wonders of engineering. Everything man-made was borned from engineering and that's pretty amazing to me. As such, I decided to persue my passion in engineering as I plan to make use of what I learn to make any wild ideas in my mind a reality. 

I would like to think that one of my strength is the ability to be open about myself whenever I speak to anyone. Maybe one day you could open yourself to me too. In terms of weakness, it would be my short attention span which could potentially sabotage any meaningful conversation I could be involved in.

In the foreseeable future, I will love to hone and improve my confidence in terms of public speaking and communicating with my peers. In additional, it would be a bonus to be able to strengthen the weakness that I have stated as above. 

If given the opportunity, I will think myself as a person that take the less travels road. I pride myself in terms of originally and creativity. 

Well that's enough from me, I would love to hear and know more about you as well. Hope to hear from you soon.

Best Regards,
Jeremiah Ho

Comments

  1. Ivy LimJanuary 29, 2024 at 9:24 PM

    Hi Jeremiah,
    Thank you for sharing, it is relatable to me since i am also from biomedical engineering background, and Biology especially anatomy is not for everybody.
    Your letter is smooth to read and provides very detailed information to get to know you better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brad BlackstoneFebruary 2, 2024 at 9:42 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brad BlackstoneFebruary 2, 2024 at 9:44 PM

    Dear Jeremiah,

    Thank you for sharing so much in this detailed and informative letter. You address the key components of the brief and provide interesting details, all of which shed light on your "originality and creativity."

    I appreciate learning, for instance, about your evolving educational journey and the slow but sure push toward engineering. You're right in suggesting that the road some of us take can meander around until we then seem to end up on a path we were meant to be on. (Yes indeed, this has certainly been the case for me. I started off in uni as a psychology major, adjusted into the Russian Area Studies track, had designs on a career in the US intelligence services, then got a job working for General Motors Portugal teaching communication. I haven't looked back since.
    And in response to your question about me sharing, I think I do share quite a bit in class, but I'm always happy to talk beforehand. I'm far from an introvert!)

    In this letter you also do a good job of elaborating on your comm skills and your needs, which are areas we will address in the coming weeks.

    In terms of language use, the lack of formality in this letter is not such a big issue because, after all, I show in class that I'm fine with a laid back tone, but you do need to be aware that it depends on your audience.

    Other lanuguage issue include:

    1. verb use
    -- As the years go by, I grew... > (lack of tense consistency) ?
    -- made me realized that Biology > (wrong form)
    -- Everything man-made was borned ... > (spelling) ?

    2. phrasing
    -- How are you? > This sounds more appropriate for live engagement and a bit superfluous. :)
    -- To give you a little background of me, ... > To give you a little background...
    -- But life got an interesting way to push you into the path you are meant to go. > (It's best to avoid talking to the reader in what's characterized as a formal letter.)
    Try this: But life has an interesting way of pushing a person into the path they are meant to follow.
    -- You could say this .... > (needed?)
    -- Maybe one day you could open yourself to me too. > :) (This is a bit too chatty.)
    -- the less travels road. > the less travelled road.
    -- in terms of originally and creativity. > in terms of originality and creativity.

    3. overuse of caps
    -- my former Secondary school,
    -- my studies in Biology
    -- in the Veterinary Technology
    -- which was Biomedical Engineering.
    -- realized that Biology

    I appreciate the effort, Jeremiah. (Is that what your buds call you? Not Jerry?)

    Let's work on this in a revision --- and talk.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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